took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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