no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
