Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
