I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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