Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
