you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize