If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Vodka?
Forever.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
