I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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