Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
