So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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