remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize