I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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