You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
