I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
50% drunk capacity currently
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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