He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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