So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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