I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
