i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
