Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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