I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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