i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
