I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
