I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
