Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
