We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
