you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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