remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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