before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
