so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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