fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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