Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
