make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
