It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
