how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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