The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
This can only be settled by a dance off.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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