my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He shit in the fireplace
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
