well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize