I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Randomize
