You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just cropdusted the office
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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