There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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