Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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