you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
