I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
