You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize