Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
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