i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
