Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
