So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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