I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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