forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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