Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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