You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
