I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
