i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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