Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
