Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
