I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Randomize
