he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize