I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
