I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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