don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
