Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
