Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
