WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
