so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
